


How to Make Grown Men Cry in One Easy Step

by ColorWithMarker



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Men Crying, Minor Clint Barton/Bobbi Morse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-08-12 12:40:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7934917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorWithMarker/pseuds/ColorWithMarker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It honestly was a harmless prank.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Make Grown Men Cry in One Easy Step

**Author's Note:**

> I had way too much fun writing this.

Clint was crying. He was crying real, fat tears, as he stared at the offending object on the floor with utter fear. He was perched on Bobbi’s desk, having knocked over several notebooks and her cup of pens in his rush to be off the ground, hands flat on the white wall, chest inflating and deflating with every large, wheezing breath, in just his briefs.

Bobbi, also down to her underwear, rolled her eyes. “You’ve gotta be shitting me.”

“Pick that – that _thing_ up and put it back where it belongs!” Clint demanded. He had no idea how stupid he looked. She should smack him just for this overreaction.

“It’s a pad, Clint, and you’re very well-aware that it’s unopened, unused, and that I use them for a specific reason,” she explained. “Besides, it’s not like I’m on my pe–!”

“ _LA LA LA LA LA!_ ” Clint screamed at the top of his lungs.

“You’re being childish! It's just a pad!” She huffed as he turned down his hearing aids, so she signed, _G_ _row up, you big baby_.

There went date night.

 

* * *

 

cont. chat

**bobbibird:** it took me 10 min to get him down. i dont get what was the big deal.

**sharebear13:** all this over a tampon wow

**bobbibird:** ill show you the video later

**bobbibird:** ive never seen such raw fear in a man

**chicagohills:** That makes sense. Men are okay with the unspoken knowledge that women menstruate, but having to see evidence makes them uncomfortable. In Clint’s case, it reverts him into a toddler.

**chicagohills:** It may also contribute to health classes not addressing menstruation and feminine hygiene products over birth control and how to properly use condoms.

**sharebear13:** public schools are such a mess

**bobbibird:** thats so immature. if they have daughters wives girlfriends etc to buy tampons for theyre fucked.

**sharebear13:** if they end up injured and need to stop the bleeding and the only thing that could really help is a pad do you think theyll cry like clint

**chicagohills:** Oh, my god, Sharon, you’re a genius.

**sharebear13:** thanks

**sharebear13:** why am i a genius this time

**chicagohills:** Let’s see if the guys will cry if they’re face-to-face with a tampon or a pad.

**bobbibird:** holy shit maria i love that

**sharebear13:** wait bobbis the prank friend in the group where did this come from

**chicagohills:** I’m sick of them looking down on us and treating us like inferior agents because of our gender. I want to take them down.

**sharebear13:** i love this side of maria

**chicagohills:** I thought you loved all sides of me.

**sharebear13:** true

 

* * *

 

 

Maria and Bobbi hung around the second floor, by the opening where Clint was currently running his class through physical exercises on the level below. They were in the perfect position to nail Clint in the head, or at the very least, drop it on an even more unsuspecting agent-in-training. Bobbi was giddy, and though Maria wasn’t bouncing like she was, there was a look in the other girl’s eyes that let her know this had everyone excited.

Sharon came skipping over with Tony trailing behind her. “Got the provision,” she announced with a smile. Tony pulled an unopened tampon from his pocket, wrapped in hot pink with hearts and flowers on it.

“It was the most obnoxious one in my place,” he said as he handed it over to Bobbi.

“Thank god for the one man not disturbed by tampons,” Maria said.

“Well, it’s not like he’s totally immature. He’s in his thirties,” Sharon said.

“Ah-ah-ah, we talked about not using the _T_ word. It’s anniversaries of twenty-nine and not the real number, Share-bear,” Tony scolded. Sharon stuck out her tongue.

Bobbi lined up her shot. She’d been playing with darts in the dorm rec room three nights in a row for precision practice. Tony pulled out his phone and began lining up the cameras on the group. Once he had three lenses pointed on the boys, he gave a thumbs up. Sharon and Maria watched Clint in anticipation.

“You guys know that Clint is one of the academy’s best graduate marksman, right?” Tony asked quietly. “He might catch it.”

“That’s what Bobbi wants,” Sharon replied.

Bobbi threw the tampon, aiming for Clint’s head, and when it was two feet away from hitting him, Clint instinctively caught it between two fingers. He brought it in front of him to closer inspect, before letting out a high-pitched shriek and flung it hard. It hit Rumlow in the face, who fell back in shock.

The scene soon devolved into nineteen men screaming, scattering away, and even crying as they circled around the tampon, while the thirteen girls mixed into the group looked at the boys in confusion and disgust. One girl began berating one of the crying boys before throwing her arms up in frustration at him. It was Jemma who finally had the sense to pick it up, but held it out asking if it belonged to any of the girls in her class, freaking out the boys further. Roz Solomon took it and put it in her pocket, then rubbed an embarrassed Jemma’s arm in comfort.

Sharon was on the floor, and Tony soon fell next to her, her clutching her sides and him wiping away the tears as fast as they formed. Bobbi was leaning against the wall, nearly close to peeing herself. Maria stood in the same place, smirking at the scene, which for her was the same response level as her friends.

“A- _hem_.” The laughter quickly subsided, and everyone stood to face Melinda, who looked unamused at the pranksters.

“Mister Stark, don’t you have somewhere else to be right now? Like running your company?” she asked.

“As someone who helps fund your weapons department, along with most everything here, there’s no reason to insinuate that you want to throw me out,” Tony said.

“No, there isn’t, but hacking the school’s security feed is a viable reason. Would you like to deal with Secretary of Defense Pierce? Or Director Fury – _after_ he deals with the girls?”

Bobbi and Sharon shared a worried glance. Maria kept her expression neutral, but wasn’t looking forward to see how much she had disappointed Fury.

“Then I’ll see you guys in the parking lot!” Tony said as he briskly headed towards the exit. Melinda motioned for the girls to follow her.

“Coward!” Sharon shouted after Tony.

 

* * *

 

Fury replayed the footage five times for the girls, each one from a different angle. One of them had Bobbi in the background throwing the tampon. The first two plays had the girls giggling here and there, but by the end, they couldn’t bring themselves to do anything but look shameful. They were imagining the different forms of punishment, from locker room duty to tripling their laps in class.

Fury turned off the monitor and faced them, his eye glaring as always. He rubbed his forehead, his head hanging so they couldn’t his face. Slowly, his shoulders began shaking. The girls furrowed their brows. The first chuckle they heard surprised them. They watched as his laughter became more and more hysterical, as he threw his head back, giving full-belly, loud laughs that the girls never knew he was capable of.

Sharon laughed along nervously. Maria looked relieved, as if she knew the answer to her question as she asked, “So does this mean we’re not in any trouble, sir?”

Fury waved them out the door, still laughing. He even started replaying it from the side angle, where you could perfectly see Clint catching the tampon and nailing Rumlow in the face with it.

The door to Fury’s office closed behind the girls, and they exhaled loudly. They’d gotten away with it.

“ _Please_ tell me Tony will have his own copy of this,” Bobbi nearly pleaded with Sharon. “We need to show that to everybody we know.”


End file.
